I'm supposed to be napping, because we had a hard night last night with little miss and I'm getting really bad head ache because of lack of sleep. But I can't stop thinking about the JOB of being a mom!
I LOVE LOVE LOVE being a mom, but there is no doubt it's a hard job!
I love to do a lot of things, I love to sew, take pictures, exercise, do foot zoning, cook, and most of spend time with my family. But as a mom when do you have time for any of those things? We have always put Cavin to bed early, 7 pm he just does better, and we love the time to get things done and have our time, well Stella must know we put Cavin down and wants attention or something because from 7 to 10 Every night Stella crys and not just a little cry but you want to cry with her kind of screaming cry, "just make is stop" so by the time we get Cavin down and stella to finally fall asleep I'm so tired I can't even see straight, I sleep for a few hours then up at 1 or 2 up to feed stella and about an hour later back asleep just to wake up a couple hours later to feed again, then just as I'm falling back a sleep my alarm goes off to get up and work out, read scriptures, and shower before Cavin gets up or it never happens, but this week I'm too tired so sleep an extra hour. 730 we are all up, or half awake half walking in my sleep.
I know I'm so tired, I feel a little down, I never have me time, time to do things I like or even need to do, I feel bad to take a nap or rest because I should be doing laundry or cleaning or getting dinner ready, I mean even right now it's 2 o'clock and I just realized I haven't eaten lunch yet.
I love my kids and I wouldn't change anything, but man being a mom is hard, not the loving and taking care of them side but once you have a baby I feel I have lost a part of me, now with 2 I feel I have lost myself, who am I? I am a mom and that is enough, and I know once we get past this crying stage and hopefully sleeping more stage things will get easier. I haven't watched a movie or show in over 6 weeks, not because I don't want to but because I always fall asleep with the first 5 minutes of it starting!
I think being a mom is the hardest job because no one saying "Thank you" thank you for changing 15 to 20 diapers today, thank you for feeding the kids, having dinner ready, and keep a clean house, for teaching your kids pretty much EVERYTHING they know. I never feel accomplished, even though I'm doing probably one of the best jobs I could ever do but am I doing enough? Am I teaching them enough? reading enough? talking enough? playing enough? are they sleeping enough? eating enough? healthy? happy? smart? and the list goes on and on.
I compare myself to every other mom out there and think, why can they do the same job as me but so much better, "why do their kids sit at church quietly, while mine is jumping from one bench to the next?" "why does that 6 week old baby smile and mine hasn't yet, does my baby not love me?" "why does that 18 month old know their colors and my 19 month old has no idea." "I must be a bad mom" "I must not be doing enough" even though my little guy gives me hundreds of kisses a day, he can say over 50 words, he is learning and growing, my baby is growing and healthy. why is it so hard for so many moms and me, to see all the Good we do, but so easy to see all the bad or not perfect things in our lives?
My answer is Satan, satan knows what a great work we are doing, being a mom. He wants to tare me down so I'm not the best mom I know I am and can be. He wants me make me feel bad and sad inside and not let me be happy and feel on top of the world because I have two of the greatest kids in the world and the WORLD'S best husband. He wants me to not do and be better because he sees I'm raising two great kids that can and will conquer him and grow up to be two amazing, strong, missionaries and husband and wife someday. He knows I'm powerful and I'm smart and I'm strong and I can do amazing things, so he kicks me when I'm down, he puts in front of the bus when all I have to do is step back and let Heavenly Father help me when times are hard. Being a mom is hard work but it's hard because we're doing such a great and important work! I may have to step back and say I can't be on Facebook because satan works his magic on me and I compare too much, or I don't have time to do some or all of my Hobbies right now, but someday my kids will be in school or grown up and I will have time again, but right now is this ONLY time I'll raise my little kids and teach them everything I know and love them more then my heart knows how to love. SO yes being a mom is hard when I let satan make me feel bad or unworthy but man it's so fun and so amazing when I put my trust in the Lord and ask him for help and guidance!
I am not a perfect mom, but I AM a GREAT MOM, because I love my kids and I'm doing the very best I can and I would do anything for them, even if that means rocking a fussy baby for hours night after night and signing to her and loving her with no pay, no thank you, and no reward because being a mom is the BEST job and I am grateful that I am blessed to be a mom and I have 2 healthy great kids!
