Home, but not so sweet.

Marcus and I went to California for the weekend mainly to surf. It was so much fun!!  I didn't surf much, cause I wanted to be careful, but the hour I did was so much fun and I actually I'm getting a lot better each time! I felt pretty good most of the trip, I just had to eat every 2 or 3 hours little snack and I was okay. 
The Car ride home was a different story!  I was sick feeling the WHOLE  8 hours drive from Vegas on, I tried to sleep and I did but I got more sick every time I woke up, the last45 minutes from Brigham was so bad, I thought I wasn't going to make it.  I  made it home and throw up 4 times. yuck! 
Monday wasn't much better, I felt like I hadn't slept in a year, I was so tired and just felt gross. We went to the pumpkin walk which was fun, but I hit a wall and I just wanted to be in my bed!!  So I went to bed at 8 and slept til 7am, woke up like I slept 3 minutes.  Tuesday I felt a little better, but still tired and sick,  nothing feels good lately, before I could eat some cereal or cheese and I felt a lot better but not the past couple days, I'm just SICK.  Tuesday night I didn't want to cook so my mom made us dinner and we watched biggest loser, my favorite show!  we got in car to drive home and yep here it comes, again,  I pucked out the door but I didnt' get all the way out so on my seat and the door and even the floor,  I got out and Marcus just laughed at me, I mean really laughed out loud, RUDE!  haha  then he made me clean it up and I throw up 2 more times, then he took over the cleaning, while I throw up 4 more times..... Yuck!! This is not fun! 
Today I had my first dr. appointment, it's not really with the Doctor just the nurse so they asked health questions and all that, got my blood drawn and peed in a cup all the fun stuff. 
Then I went to the Chiropractor, he is soooo great! I love it!  He gave me some drops for the throwing up and some vitamins for the feeling sick all the time!!  I hope it helps!  I got some acupuncture, which always drains me for a day then I feel a lot better. 
So I'm hoping this is over or at least a lot less!!  I don't think I'm getting fat, but I do feel I have a little belly nothing big but I can tell.  I'm super excited, I am pretty stressed out about all the money and bills so I'm working on that today.  I just keep praying it'll work out!!  let's hope so!! 
off to make my favorite pumpkin roll and clean the house, what a fun day off!!! 

The day I've been dreading

So this morning was one of those Mornings, I didn't want to get out of bed, I mean I really really didn't but I felt like I had to because I meet my friend at the gym at 530am so I DRAGGED myself out of bed and I was so wanting to go back into my warm bed with my cute husband.  Usually after my gym clothes are on I give up and just go and enjoy it, but not today I still wanted to get back in bed!!  well I didn't and I should have, because one, my gym buddy didn't come..... WHAT?? I was so bummed I got up for nothing.  I still worked out so I guess it was for me, then I worked out felt real good, got to the car and sat down and thought oh man, I don't feel so good, oh wait..... yep... open the door and out it came, I throw up for the first time in my pregnancy.  I wanted to hurry home so I drove and as I stopped at the sign about 25 feet away, open the door again..... yep.... one more......  yuckers, then I thought oh no I'm not going to make it home. I wanted to cry.  I drove again this time about a 100 feet and open the door again....  SICK!!!  I feel bad for anyone who has to see that!!!  can you only Imagine driving and see one, two, and then three piles of throw up???  It makes me sick to even think about it now!!  Well I made it home and crawled into bed, can you believe this was my day off and I was up at 530 at the gym then throwing up when I could have been in bed sleeping!!!! 
All day I felt fine i was super busying and got to hold my sweet baby nephew Troy, which was probably the high light of my day!!  I took pictures which I always love but it was super dark super fast so not even sure if  I got any good ones.... bummer.  I might just have to re-do them after our California trip!!! 
We're off to California tomorrow, I'm in a hard spot cause I have sooo much to do still and it's already 815 but I want to go home and go to bed!! we need to do laundry and clean up do dishes and pack the car, we're leaving straight from work so who knows what we'll get done, if I wasn't pregnant I would stay up til 12 and get everything done but if I get too tried I get super sick and I'm sick for a day or two til I get back up on sleep!!!  so I'm not sure how but it'll all get done! wish me Luck!!!  I'm sooooo excited to go to Cali and be in the SUN!!! woot woot!

The Power of Smell

I HATE smells, the past two days I could tell all the patients who wear too much perfume or cologne it's just sick, it gives me the worst head ache.  I can smell food and it makes me so sick!  I hate my nose right now.  Smells turn me off to food, make me have a head ache and make me sick.... yuckers!!
On a happier note, I'm feeling pretty good the last couple days, well  not sick, just head aches from all the smells, but that's better then being sick.  I've gone back to the gym and it feels good, I feel tired and hungry, but super do-a-ble!!!  I made dinner last night and it wasn't that bad, I didn't get sick or even feel sick!!! happy days!!  I've been going to bed around 9 every night and that feels good, last night I didn't even know I feel asleep, I felt like I closed my eyes for a second and next thing I know it's 2 am and I have to go to the bathroom!!!  haha
I'm starting to get really excited about this baby and attached, I'll cry a lot if I lose it, i don't want to.  I want it to be a healthy happy baby!!!  I'm almost 2 months, which is crazy, we're going to California this weekend, then Holy is coming with their baby that we've never meet so we're super excited.  the it'll be November and then it'll almost be Thanksgiving!!! wow how time flys!!!  Then we'll tell our family!  crazy,  by then I'll go to the dr. and hear his heat beat, then I think it'll be more real!!!  wow I'm so excited!! I already love this baby!!!  I love Marcus he's so excited and that makes me so happy!!  Back to work, and all the bad smells!!!

Good days and bad

Yesterday was a hard day sick all day, then today I feel totally normal, I can't figure out way or how to help I just think that's how it goes.
We went out with some friends and one is is pregnant and I kept wanting to say I know I feel the same or how do you deal with this? But I can't I just. Have to act like nothing has changed, weird. I feel every day now people ask me when we're going to have kids, I just think we are now!!!!!!! Well I took my first picture today so I'll post it, I feel like I have a little tummy but I don't think it looks any different to everyone else!!!
I'm heading back to the gym tomorrow, I'm scared it'll make me more sick but hopefully just help!!
I think we'll start to tell our family over thanksgiving, I think that's far enough from Troy and I'll be over 3 months so should be a great time! It seems so far but not really just 6 more weeks that'll be 13 weeks, prefect time, I won't be able to hide too much longer after that. Well that's what's new!! Not too much I love reading the week by week of what our baby is doing and how he's growing!!

7 weeks

I LOVE SLEEP!

Last night I got in bed at 7:30 planning to watch a movie but by the time marcus got ready to watch a movie, I was out!!  I feel asleep at about 8 and sleep like a baby through the night, I slept so good  I thought I slept through my alarm!   I got up at 6am and felt great, not sick at all!!! It was a true blessing!!  I ate breakfast okay but by 10 I was feeling a little sick, almost like I'd faint, not because I was hungry but because I felt weak, or something.  I ate a peach and felt better again.  I'm starting to learn, I do best with LOTS of sleep and food!  not a lot of food but almost always eating, snacking all day, it's when I feel hungry or full I feel the sickest.  I think also getting off being sick was hard too my body was tired and over worked then I just asked it to make a baby and make extra blood and all that comes with a baby!  Too much for a sick body so I felt super sick for a couple days. 
I know it could get real bad again, but at least I got a little break!!  Eating still is hard for me, I feel hungry but then I feel sick if I eat too fast or too much. 
So I'm almost 6 weeks and I keep reading on line what is going on with baby at each week and it's so amazing and crazy everything that's happening in my little tummy!! 
Kind of weird and exciting, since I feel I have to snack all day, I've been keeping a close eye on my weight cause that is a huge concern of mine.  This morning I dropped weight and I'm back in the teens!!!  118!!  wow that made my day, I haven't been in the teens since before college, I always get stuck in the 20's.  This is horrible to admit but on my mission I got up to the 40's.... oh boy!! so I've lost over 20 lbs since my highest high!  my goal is to only gain 25 lbs,  That helps me too cause I know I have lose that weight, I've done it once I'll do it again!!  I think we'll tell our parents next week!  I want to go to the dr first but Marcus is so excited to tell!!  I am too, I just want to make sure everything is 100% normal!!  The bad cramping is gone just achy now so that makes me feel better!! 
Ok this is getting long but one last thing, I LOVE hearing Marcus pray for our baby it makes me so happy and think wow we're going to be parents!!! CRAZY!! 

SICK SICK SICK

I have never felt so sick, well I've been sicker but it's like I can't show I'm sick but I feel sick all day everyday!!  It's only been 3 days since my 5 week mark but since I hit the 5 week mark, I felt so sick.  I feel like I need to throw up, my head hurts,  I feel hungry, but nothing sounds good,  I hate to smell anything, and I just feel yucky.  I just keep thinking if this is what it's going to be like for the next 2 or 3 months, I might die!!  HELP ME!!  I ache and I'm tried, I just want to lay in bed for the next 8 months! 
I'm excited for a baby!!!  I went to hold Anna's baby Troy and I just keep thinking, this little guy probably played with  our little one, and I just see him saying hurry down so we can play!  I can't wait to have a baby, I know he'll be so cute and a huge blessing in our life.  I know it's early but I know it's right too!!! I love Marcus and can't wait to start our family together!! 

Happy Wed, my day off!!

I'm starting to see light at the end of the sickness tunnel, my voice is about half back and I can go about a hour without coughing my lungs out.  I've been cleaning my mom's house on Wednesdays to get money for Marcus Birthday/Christmas presents, I'm so excited about them, even more so now that we have a baby on the way! 
I keep telling myself the baby is good and growing, but I still don't believe it, maybe all first time mom's go through this, I've just read and heard of a lot of stories of miscarriage or something going wrong, I guess it's my self defence mode just not thinking it's real, but I already want to paint and get the room ready, I want to start making things, but I haven't let myself because I don't want it to turn out bad.  Maybe this is bad, but I know me, if I let myself believe all is well and  I get super super excited, then I'll just fall apart, if things didn't work out. 
Marcus keeps waiting to tell our family and I just keep thinking let's wait til our first Dr. appointment and we can hear the heart beat!!!  I can't wait for that day!!  3 more weeks!!  I'm 5 weeks tomorrow, so the heart is just starting to beat this week!!  wow how amazing is that!! 
Troy just sent me a picture text!! he's looking so good!! I need to get better so I can hold him and tell him my stories and how much I love him!!  Hopefully in the next day or so!!
My still trying to decide if I should go to the dr today or not, If I should just check and make sure, I still have cramps and aches but not so strong on that side, I think I'll wait to see if they come back or not, I've been ready a lot of line and sounds like cramping is pretty common for first time moms. 
Well I better get somethings done, I might start my first baby project today, we'll see!!!  Maybe I'll post pictures, I got some things this summer at garage sales for our future baby cause I knew that would be the cheapest way to go!!  I have a dresser, a shelf, and a rocking chair all of which I want to sand and paint!!!  I think Ill just do white for them all and so the bedding or decorations can be different colors!! 

CRAPPY CRAPPY DAY

Here's the story, I don't feel good, my throat hurts and I still can't talk. Monday night at 5 I went to the community health center, thinking I have these stomach cramps and they hurt, but I just wanted to make sure EVERYTHING was okay, I don't know maybe it was part fear of losing our baby, or maybe it really hurt.  I don't go to the dr. usally but I felt I really needed to, this place is cheap so I thought it won't hurt to know everything is okay!  well the Dr. didn't seem to think it was okay or even just cramps, he had me do a urine sample and YES I'm pregnant but he didn't get too excited about it.  He told me I needed to go to the ER to get an ultrasound, I just saw $$$$$  I said are you sure, could it just wait and see?  He said I could have a Pregnancy in my Tube which could kill me if untreated.  WHAT???  Then I thought is the pain that bad?  it's bad but I didn't feel like I coud die.  What to do? No Health Insurance I knew a  trip to the ER would be at least $1000.  OH MAN  I hate this, well Marcus told me I should go.  We went and got blood work and an other urine test, and an ultrasound,  here's the crazy part, they still don't know!!!  They found 2 cysts on my LEFT Overy which isn't the painful side, they thought they could see the baby is the uterous and not in my Tube but then thought maybe there's two babies, one is the right spot and one in my tube....
Okay so I don't feel good, I feel pain in my right side, but could it  just be cramping from a new baby?   could it be a pulled muscle?  Could it just go away? They want me to do more tests, and I don't know what to do, I feel stupid getting thousands of dollars in tests and drs to hear it's nothing...... or just cramps which can be normal for a first pregnancy.  I keep also thinking, I'm sick, my throat is in bad shape, maybe I just feel yucky and achey cause I'm sick.  Man I really wish i knew what to do???  I don't want to lose this baby, if I can help it.  I also don't want to be sick anymore!! 
I got a blessing from Marcus last night and  truly know Heavenly Father will help me know what to do.  I'm waiting to know!!  Crazy day! 

So happy, Monday

I've lost my voice!!!  For real, I can hardly talk!!  funny, I guess I'll just type!  Last night Marcus and I where in bed and Marcus said, you just seem happier.  I don't know I said,  I laid in bed thinking, am I happier? even though I'm nervous, I'm so happy, I've always been happy, but this just feels different, so this will sound crazy!! BUT  when I was birth control, I got so crazy and when I got off I felt a lot better but still not 100%  but now that I'm Pregnant I feel 110%.  It's like being pregnant completes me, and my crazy hormones are under control.  I hear with pregnancy that can change but at least for now I'm happy and feeling good!!!
I haven't felt any sickness or like throwing up, but I have felt super hungry then I eat and 5 bits later, I'm done!
I've been having a lot of cramps so that makes me kind of nervous but I'm also trying not to stress over it cause it says that makes it worse. 
I made my first Dr. appointment for Oct 26th, I want to go in and make sure everything is good, before I tell anyone so I think if everything is good we'll tell everyone on Halloween!  How fun!  I remember when Anna went in for her first appointment it's so weird that now it's my turn! I couldn't be more excited!
The Nurse said I should rest and drink a lot of water, so I'll try and do that so I don't have early on problems,  I really don't want to experience a miscarriage, I don't think I'd handle that well at all, I'm already in love with this baby, I know it can't hear yet but I talk to it, and ask him how he's doing!!  we talk about how lucky he is, cause his dad is amazing and he'll love him!  
What a  fun adventure we're about to begin!

Saturday/Sunday

Anna had her baby, okay so this was a CRAZY experience, I loved every second of it, but knowing I had a little baby of myself, I just keep thinking I'll be here in 8 months.... It was super exciting and I was a little nervous, if it was that hard for a 5 lb baby what will my 8 lb baby be like..... HELP ME!!!
I'm so excited though too because to see a real live baby and to see how sweet and beautiful he was I just wanted to cry!! It's amazing how fast I love him,  and I'm just the aunt. What will it be like when it's mine!!!  I also thought of Marcus and what he'll be like on that day.  I know he'll be super supportive and do anything for me, cause that's just who he is, but will he be like wow this is my baby?? I'm sure he'll be super excited.  (super excited if it's a boy!!)
I started to realize it'll be hard to keep this a secret, but I really want to go to the dr. before Everyone knows, cause 1- I just want to make sure, it's real. 2- I've had a lot of cramping and I want to make sure it's normal and everything is okay.
I just can't wait to see the baby again, I want to go up here, but don't want to bother them either, it's so hard cause if it was me, I'd be happy people wanted to see me and the baby!

Baby Troy Bryan Swan, 5 lbs 11 ozs 18.5 inches long born at 12:53 am on October 2!   I love him so much and can't wait for him to come home!! Thanks Anna for letting be apart of your Miracle!

Saturday morning... Oct 1st

Wow what a day, so this morning I woke up at 5 am and had to go to the bathroom, but I read that when taking a pregnancy test you should the first do it first thing in the morning.  I thought should I or should I just wait a few more days???  well I took it, and I saw one red line, meaning not pregnant, then I cleaned up and was going to go back to bed and I looked again and two lines...... WHAT??? serious? NO it couldn't be, so I laid in bed about 20 minutes and got up and took another one, read again EXACTLY what I needed to do, well I didn't need to go the bathroom but I needed to squeeze something out, I got enough to test and I did it and walked away and come back after the minute time was up, YEP  TWO LINES!!!!  I guess I'm really pregnant, it's everything I want but doesn't seem real!! It's like the mission call, I was so excited but didn't seem real!!!  Maybe when I get FAT it'll be more real!!

So next question, should I tell Marcus, when? how?  so I thought this is OUR baby so I need to tell him.  so I wrote a note on our white board. My plan was prefect, Marcus and I write notes to each other almost daily about how much we love each other, but this time I wrote, Marcus, I love you so much and you're the best husband and soon to be dad!!  He walked into the kitchen and that was the first thing he read when he walked in, he looked at me and was like SERIOUS?  like now?  you have a baby in there?  I just said yes for real!!  we hugged and kissed and then we danced in the living room!!  Marcus tried to hear the baby and clammed he did!!! haha he'll be the best dad!!!  he's so funny!!  

Today is general conference so we're watching conference, and Elder Anderson talked about starting a family and even told a story about a guy telling his wife they needed to wait to start their family til he was out of Medical school, (a thought marcus and I both talked about)  Elder Anderson said, "where is your faith?"  That is how I feel,  I have no idea how we'll pay for a baby, but I know the Lord will help us!  We have a idea of a way, but we'll just have to see.  I love Marcus and I know we'll be a happy happy family!! I know some may say we've only been married 6 months but I just feel this is RIGHT for US!!
I don't know when we'll tell people or our family but I think we'll wait a little bit at least! Anna went to the hospital today because she's having a lot of contractions, so we'll enjoy her special time, I don't want to take that away from her.  I'm soooooo excited for her!! She seem pretty nervous but I know she'll do great and the baby will be healthy!!!   Wow what a day!! I'm just sooo excited!