Projects

I made some things for baby Troy (anna's baby) it was so fun and actually turned out really cute I thought!! 

Christmas TIME!!

Wow Christmas time has come and gone again, I really had a great Christmas this year!! Mainly because I got to spend it was Marcus!!!  It's been so fun to just hang out and be together all day everyday!!
To start our Christmas week or fun, this is how it went!!  Saturday Marcus opened my gifts to him!!! it's so fun for me to give and I hope he loves his gifts.  I opened my new boots from Marcus and I LOVE LOVE LOVE them!!  he also got me a super cute coat and a very needed gift a new phone!!!  I love that too!!!  Mine was dieing and I'm so grateful for a working phone!!

love them

Saturday was a fun day of playing games and hanging out together we got some things done we needed too.
Sunday we fun too, I went church with my family and Marcus had to work at the hospital. He got done at 12 and we Skype with Seth and Jeni then Talked to Sister Evie Bruce on the phone.
Then we opened presents from the Bruce's we got great gifts!!  It was really fun because I had no idea what they got us,  we got a new carpet shampooer which is sooo good because our stairs need to be done so bad and I like being able to do little spots here and there.  Plus with a baby I'm sure we'll have a spit up or two I'm guessing we'll have a diaper accident also!! haha I can't wait to have our baby!!!
We made Toni the super cute jewelery holder I totally want it!! we tried to make our own frame but it didn't work so we got a cute one at di and got super cute knobs to hang necklaces and things, I hope he loved it as much as I do!! We also got them a fun games!!  we had a great time playing it at a friends house so we made one for them it's fun, I wish we made it for our home too!! haha
We had dinner at my parents that night with Josh and Liz and their kids it was fun!! we played games! I LOVE GAMES probably my favorite part of Christmas the games!!
Monday we played the WII and went to lunch for Liz's birthday.  Then that night we had dinner and opened gifts!!  I had a baby moment (what I call it)  I just got super tired and wanted to go to bed!! haha it happens. but I made it through presents and we got a lot of great fun things, I got maternity clothes which is a great gift because I want them but I also need them!  Marcus got a new racket for racquetball, and I think his favorite gift new arm warmers for biking!! he loves them!!  we got Baby books too which I'm so happy about!!  Suzi got me a cute cute scarf, that I LOVE!!!
We're truly so blessed to have two great families!!  Christmas is so fun to play games and be with Family!!  Wed we played games all night too which was a blast!!  I'm so sad to go back to work.... I have a great job and I'm so lucky I do like my job, but I LOVE LOVE LOVE spending the day with Marcus, getting up slow and not by a clock and getting ready together and laughing together and playing games together and going to the movies, and really I just love having him at my side!!!  I can't wait for this summer no work and a baby we'll all go for walks and be together!!!  I LOVE MARCUS!!

new fabric

I love my new fabric!!! I can't wait to make all my bedding for our little boy!!!  I found the bikes and knew I had to have it!!! 

 Our cute cute family Christmas picture!! I really love my hubby he's so cute!!  He takes such good care of me!! I Love Marcus so much!! 

18 weeks

So 18 weeks!!  wow I can't believe it some times!!  We're having a boy, we have started to buy some fun things.  But the biggest change this stage is I feel pregnant, I can feel changes in my body, I'm not huge but differently have a belly!  I have a hard time sleeping in once I wake up weather 3 or 4 am I can't seem to fall back asleep because I feel uncomfortable.  I have to go the bathroom all the time now.  my jeans aren't tight yet but if I sit for a long time like a movie they feel unconformable on my belly.
I'm starting to realize I'm not the lucky girls that only gain a belly, I have love handles like never before.  ahh uggg
I'm not really having any cravings, but the opposite, nothing sounds good, I know I'm hungry but nothing sounds good, no sweats not salty not anything!  I have made a little jump in weight I gained about 2 lbs in 2 weeks, which is kind of a lot for 2 weeks but I'm still behind, which I'm totally okay with!!  I have a goal to only gain 20 lbs, because I know I can lose that, that was my high on my mission and I'm lost it since.  We'll see how this summer goes but I still want to do a tri this summer 3 months after baby comes!

WOW what a day!

So today started out ruff.....  I didn't sleep all night just excited and nervous for the utra-sound, I finally feel asleep at 5am after being up for 3 hours!!  So I didn't hear my alarm at 6 so over slept and was running late,  I raced to get ready to make the bus so Marcus could pick me up for the apt, perfect plan. (or so I thought)  I got on the bus with out breakfast or lunch (no good).  I was walking my 5 blocks to work in the snow (flat hair) got to work and realized I left my keys which has my work key and I'm the first one to work, I didn't want to wait outside for 30 minutes, I called Marcus to bring me my keys and being the AMAZING husband he is, he got out of bed and got in the freezing car to come give me a key. He backed up and stopped to close the garage and while he was stopped our neighbor backed up too and hit our car...... ahhhh  I don't care about the car, one I'm glad everyone is okay and two I feel soooo stupid I left my keys!!  lame-o me! 
Oh well on the great part of the DAY!!  Marcus came back safely this time picked me up for the BIG  ULTRA_SOUND!!!!  we had to wait for what seemed like forever, when you just want to know!! We went back and we saw the baby and the heart beat which was soooo nice and gave me so much peace!!  I didn't care boy or girl as long as it's healthy and alive!!!  She said there it is..... I was like what??  IT'S A BOY!!!! WHAT??? I seriously just couldn't believe it!!  I don't think I would have been less surprised with a girl just couldn't believe it's a real BABY!!!  soon He'll have a name and a we'll see him!!! 

He's sooo happy and proud!!

It's a boy!

Marcus was so so so so so so excited! I know he would love either but he really wanted a boy!!  he is so excited to be our little guys best friend, a lot like him and his dad!! 
We went to Lee's and got a blue balloon and took it to my mom's class!!  she was so happy and excited too!!! 
I just want to go buy something cute and BLUE!!!  I want something today! I'm really going to have a hard time keeping myself under control cause I'm just soooo excited!!! IT"S A BOY!!! ahhhh  I'm sooooo happy we're having a baby!!  I know this is the right time and our family isn't complete without him!!  I already love him I love BOTH my boys!!!  What a GREAT DAY!!

Blessing!

So I have two posts in the making!  This one should be second but it's first!! haha  I went to this fun fun girls craft night!!  (post to come)  We of course got to talking about babies and everyone was giving me good advice which I love!  We got to talking about cribs and how pricey they are and one girl was like, I have a crib you can have!!!! WHAT??? I just meet this girl.  So on Saturday we went to pick it up and it is super cute!!  We set it up last night and  I just wanted to cry, because I'm so grateful,  I felt truly Elder Anderson's promise that if we have kids and a family the Lord will bless us.   This my seem so little to some, but to me a huge blessing!  We have been saving for this baby and all the things we need a crib and car seat and the list goes on, we probably would have just bought one but to me this is a blessing to help us out!  I know this baby is supposed to come to us now, I know money is always tight but I also know more then ever Heavenly Father always provides a way!!!  Thank you Thank you for simple miracles every day!! To me mean the world!

enjoying life

I love being pregnant it's super easy and fun right now, I think the hardest thing is feeling chubby but not pregnant.  I really want to go out running, I wish it was warmer so I could go out more, I don't like going to the gym I like just running outside, I really do miss that!  I know I can run but even since we're been married it;s been harder for me to find time to run. 
I have gained 4 lbs now so I guess that's good! 
So I need to brag about how great my husband is, I have found when I don't get enough sleep I get emotional. so the other I had one of these days, I had nothing to be upset about really, but I had a little break down because 1 I was super tired, and 2 I really really missed Marcus, with finals I just felt he wasn't there.  He was home at night but it wasn't Marcus, it was a studying stressed out guy. 
Thursday after Marcus finished his last final he cleaned our house and put away Landry and even put up a new tree. (long story)  This is the MARCUS I married and fell in love with, he was back and my good, happy mode was back.  He is my everything and I love him more then anything!!  He's the best husband ever!!  

lovely little snippets: Lemon Chicken and Broccoli Bowl

lovely little snippets: Lemon Chicken and Broccoli Bowl: This is really one of my favorite meals! It is so quick and simple and easy, but yummy and FILLING! And it uses leftovers! SCORE! I love lef...

Finals week

This week is finals week for Marcus, let me just tell you I can't wait for it to be over!!! I miss my husband!!  Not only is he not around much, when he is, he's not the same, crazy fun guy, I can just tell he's stressed and in the MOOD.  I still love him like crazy, but it's like I can't ask him to do anything but I know he needs to study and go to late night study reviews.  I just CAN'T WAIT for it to be over!!!   I guess this is a good Med school preview, but I just hate seeing him worried about it.  Just be happy!!  Thursday night will be a great night!!!  We'll have to go out to dinner and get ice cream to celebrate!! 
So last night while Marcus was studying, I went to take dinner to a family who just had their baby.  I loved it, for a couple of reasons, I always love hearing the story fresh so I get more of an idea of what to expect, but more then that, I love seeing that little 3 day old baby!! I'm GOING to have one of those!!!  AHHH I can't wait!!  I can't wait to hold my baby and love it more then anyone else can!! 
The Mom, my friend, said, I'm so small, sometimes I think oh that's good, but other times I think is that okay? I know it is, I feel the baby growing and I know I have a bigger belly then I used to but still it just makes me think, should I be different?? I KNOW everyone is different and I know it's okay but I think cause you just love your baby so much already you just want EVERYTHING to be normal and okay!! 
Marcus and I made a list of names on Sunday that we both really like!!  It was really exciting to think of what we're going to name him!!  Just one more thing to make it feel more real!! 
So I really really want to feel my baby move!! I know it's still pretty early but I have a friend that is pregnant right now and only 2 weeks ahead of me, and she feels hers all the time!!  I sit there all the time with my hand on my tummy hoping she'll move!!! 
I can't believe this time next week we'll get an ultra sound!!  I think we'll wait til Christmas eve to see what we're having and did it with our family!! it'll be hard to wait but so fun too!!  we'll see!! 
This week isn't much different from another, no more sickness really, just a little if I don't eat every 3 hours or so!!  I still have little craps here and there and my muscles still hurt at times but I'm getting used to it more now so that good! 
I still love Cold cereal and fruit!!  I crave grapes and oranges all the time!  I haven't craved much else really, except if I don't eat meat all day then I need some by 7 or 8!!!  I love my baby so much!!  I can't wait to hold and love him!!! 

16 week visit

This week we went to the dr. for our 16week check up it was super cool cause we got to hear the heart beat for the first time!!  Something about that just made me realize this is for real!!  I have a real live baby growing inside of me and in 24 weeks we'll have a baby in our arms!!  wow I can't wait!!
The dr. is so nice and great to work with.  He makes me feel so good and clam.
They said I lost a lb but I think it was just different clothes cause on our scale I've gained about 4 lbs over all.  I am real nervous to gain a ton of weight but I'm just trying to stay healthy and not stress over it! 
We watched biggest loser last night and I was thinking if they have a spring season, by the time it's over we'll have a baby!!  ahhh just one season or a couple more months and we'll have a baby I just can't wrap my head around it yet.  I'm just so excited!! It truly feels sooo right, I know the baby in my tummy is my baby and Heavenly Father gave me this one for a reason, and I can't wait to see all the things I learn and how we grow!! I sure love Marcus and I think will make our family and love even stronger, even though that's hard to believe!!!

okay so kind of funny, but I'm excited to be showing and just feeling chubby but people can tell I'm pregnant!!!  I don't think I'm ready to be huge and uncomfortable just cute and pregnant!!!

Weekend fun!

Marcus and I put up our tree, it was a lot of fun!  we don't have many decorations yet though so I was trying to make do, well I got some ribbon from our wedding, and I didn't like it so, I had to buy some ribbon but it was on sale so we got a great deal!!  and I love our tree a lot more now!!! 

I don't like it yet....

plain tree

Saturday was a fun day, to start marcus played racetball with our dads and I went swimming it was a great morning of fun and excerise!  I need this baby to love the water so I'll start now!! haha
That night, we went to SLC to see the lights and went to PF chang's for dinner. It was a fun night and great to be with friends!  The lights where super pretty and just amazing to me! 
The spirit was there and just a peacful beauty I love going down there!!  FUN FUN NIGHT with Marcus!! 

Trick

This morning I woke up and had my hand on my belly and was so surprised to feel it grow over the night!!  I was so shocked and excited. then I got up and went to the bathroom and realized I just really had to go, so it was a full blatter not a big baby!!  haha funny! My tummy is growing though a lot and if you knew me and what I really looked like you'd notice like Marcus can tell and my family, but people are still in disbelief when I say I'm pregnant they say but you're not showing....
We got our Tree up this week and decorated it twice!! haha well first time i didn't like it, I used some ribbon I had from our wedding, since it was green, but it just didn't work for me, so I went to sams and got some CUTE red ribbon that looks great on our TREE!! I love it!  we need about 50 more ornaments but I figure every time we take a trip I'll get a new one and we'll fill it up over the years!!
I did try to make clear glass ball sparkle with glitter we tried mod pog glue stuff we tired paint and after a long night and huge mess marcus tried a little water and glitter guess what they look great and the best ones!!!  I was so mad, that was too easy!!  but they look great!
Now that our news about the baby is out, it's going soo much slower, I don't like it, I mean it's only been a week, maybe it's just a long week but I keep thinking it's been 3 weeks or more,  man it's better to keep it a secret for a long time!!  I love being pregnant though, well now that I'm not super sick!  I love reading books about what our baby is doing and how she's growing!  Like today I read this....
"Your baby's delicate skeleton continues to harden from rubbery cartilage to bone. Even so, his bones will remain somewhat flexible for an easier trip through the birth canal. The umbilical cord has fully matured with one vein and two arteries that are protected by Wharton's jelly (a thick substance that makes the cord slippery so it can move freely around your baby)."
SO cool how it all works and sooo much is going on every day! I love this baby already so much!
Last night Marcus and I went to a church activity and there was a ton of babies, I just keep looking at them and thinking what will our baby look like?  I'm pretty sure bald, probably a little chubby (since I was!)  probably really white and pink, no olive skin in this family!!  It's like I can imagine holding a little girl, she'll have perfect fingers and toes, beautiful blue eyes, and will smile at me, cause I'm her mom!!  I really love to say that, I can't wait to be a mom.  All these years of worrying if I'll be able to get pregnant or even if I'll even get married. I just look back and think My Father in Heaven loves me so much and knows this is his plan for me I just needed to be patient!  I may be 27 before I have my first baby but I have my dream husband in our beautiful home, with a great family to support us and I love my life I'm so happy and truly blessed!!  Talk about living the DREAM!!

My Dream Came TRUE!!! LOOK AT HIM!!

First big baby purchase

So I've been so excited for this baby since day one, I just want to get stuff and get the room ready and just get him here!!  Even before I was pregnant I thought I'd do cloth diapers, I think from the Philippines I thought this would be a great idea!  I like it for a couple reason, mainly, for the money we could save.  Here my research average baby goes though 8-10 diapers a day (less as they get older)  but a pack of 120 diapers costs about 20 dollars at wal-mart we're looking at 40 to 50 dollars a month in diapers.  Say they're in diapers til 2(most kids are closer to 3).  $600 a year and $1200 for 2.  This is a rounded number!  not to mention 2, 3, 4 plus kids!!!   
Well cloth diapers will cost me about $250 for everything that I need for the baby's life plus, if you take care of them, 2, 3, and 4 kids!!!  I figure it's worth a shot, I think what's a couple loads more or Landry?   So I bought some cloth diapers off the Internet and they got here last night!! I'm so excited for them!  I'm sure we'll have days when a throw away diaper will be great, and I'll keep some around, but this is what I'm going to do and try at least for 2 or 3 months to make my money back!!
I'm not a super greeny green person but I do know this is a lot better for our environment so it can't hurt! Marcus isn't totally sold yet but I'll do 90% of the diapers so I think I get to make this decision!!

Love of a Mom

The past two days have been a new experience for me,  A lot of people wrote on my facebook, "you'll be a great mom," or "it's great to be a mom." and things like that, well it started to hit me, I'm going to be a real mom!!!!  wow that's pretty cool! 
I feel so blessed that Heavenly Father would bless me with one of his son or daughter!  Talk about an honor. 
I have felt so much better this week, like a new person!  I don't feel sick, smells hardly bother me anymore.  I have felt a new energy that I haven't had in weeks, about 10 actually!!  I started back working out every morning and I feel great!!  I still have an achy back and neck but I don't think that's anything new with my job!!  Last night I got some projects done instead of going straight to bed at 7!!  I made it to 9:30!!!  woot woot for me!! 
Then this morning, I notice I really have a little baby belly!!!  I love to hold it, I got excited I have a belly, the first time in my life, I'm excited to have a belly!!!  I just love it, I keep saying this is my baby in here!! I sometimes think I can feel something and I just say I love you too baby!!  
Marcus talks to the baby every night and morning!!  he keeps telling the baby to not come out if it's a girl!! haha he's only joking though cause he'll love a little girl too!! 
I realized I really really love this baby already and I haven't even seen him!!!  I don't want anything for Christmas except stuff for the baby!!  Such a weird feeling to always be thinking what's my baby doing today? can he hear me?  is he happy in my belly?  what will he be like? will he have any hair?  will he be chubby like me?
I can't wait to be a mom, I know I won't be prefect but I've been dreaming of this day for only 24 plus years!!!  I remember at 4 asking my mom if I can have my own baby!!!  This all my dreams coming true!  A great husband and a baby to make our family complete!! 

It's out!!!

Finally the news is out, I can't tell you how fun and exciting it is to tell everyone!!!  It feels more real now that I can talk about it and don't have to keep it quite!!!  I'm also so excited to hear how excited everyone is, that makes me so happy!!  Wow this is for REAL!!!! 

Happy Thanksgiving

         We had  a great Thanksgiving, I was having some stomach pain, that really worried me, I didn't want to go to the dr, and it be nothing but it got really bad Thursday night, I told myself if I'm not better by the morning I'm going in!  Well it was better by the morning, but I think I got a belly!!!  I feel like I have a little belly I can't suck in anymore!  haha but it's a hard stage cause you just look chubby not pregnant!! Oh well I think that will change soon!  I weighted in and I ginned 2 lbs as well so I think the baby had a growth sprit and that's that I felt!  Who knows!  so I'm getting fat and gaining weight, it's kind of real!
          So my other good news, I got my first maternity clothes!!  Mom actually got them on black Friday for me for Christmas, but I'm so excited, it just felt like buying airline tickets for your vacation, it's like I'm really doing this!  I got two tops and jeans and they are sooo cute!!  I can't believe I found cute jeans, I was really worried about it cause I'm just not a normal size and it's so hard to find good jeans, and I really love them! 

            That's our Thanksgiving news, I'm super happy though and excited to tell everyone next week, I think Monday I'll post our picture on Facebook!!!  It's so exciting, I hope everyone is exciting as I am!!! 
   

What's normal??

So pregnancy is kind of hard,  everyone is different and every baby is different.  I don't feel great, a killer head ache and stomach cramps, but is that just being pregnant?  Is something wrong, is my stress over something being wrong making it worse?  should I call the dr, will they think I'm stupid and everyone goes through this?  AHHHH!!?!?!!  I just want a healthy happy baby, but how do you know if what you're doing is right or wrong?  how do you know if what you feel is the same as EVERY OTHER pregnant lady.
I haven't gained weight yet and I'm almost 4 months pregnant in most cases I should be happy right? but I'm not I'm scared my baby isn't growing or something is wrong.....  I think this is just the start of Motherhood, always worrying, am I a good mom, is my baby happy?  I didn't think it started this early!!!  help me!!  I think I'm losing my mind!!! 
I don't want to go to the dr for two reason, one I don't want to hear something is wrong and two I don't want to hear nothing is wrong and I'm just a baby!!!  what to do. Be a man about it is all I can think of!!! haha

Our first family pictures!

    I'm getting so excited and ready to tell everyone, because I'm not sick and I don't feel pregnant...  I know and keep telling myself everything is okay, but it's so hard cause I haven't gained weight, I don't think I have a belly, I'm not sick, I wonder, am i really pregnant?? I want to tell everyone so it feels real again!!  haha  I have told all my brothers and sisters so that's fun, but I just want to post these pictures on facebook or something! haha I guess I am 13 weeks almost 14 so most people tell around now, so once I feel everyone that should know first knows then I'll just yell it from the roof tops!! :)
   I'm about 80% sure this baby is a girl!! Marcus really wants a boy but I think it's a girl!! haha I think I'll be more surprised if they say it's a boy then a girl, but we'll see I guess!!  December 21st will be the big day!!!  I'm so excited! 

 

Baby Room is in the works now!!!

THE FIRST ULTRA sound!!

Wow what a day!!  today was so busy, I had a WIC appointment and then took my grandma to the dentist went shopping with Anna, then I had the High light of my dad, we meet our baby!!!
So back up a little all last night I could sleep and I was almost sick to my stomach thinking about this appointment, I almost cried to think about the Dr. telling us there was no heart beat or there was something wrong.  I started to get so worked up I believed something was wrong more then everything was going to be great and he would be healthy and strong!  We got to the dr. and I shaking and my legs where shaking.  I was so nervous,  But there he was, with a strong heart and growing great, so good they said I was 11 weeks and not 10 so they moved my due date up to May 29th!!!  what??? crazy, May seems so much closer then June!!  Wow we have the ultrasound on the frig and I keep holding it and thinking this is my baby!!!  I can't believe it's real, it looks like a baby and it's more real!  still not really real, but getting there!!

The past few days I haven't thrown up once!!  I'm so happy, I think it's almost over!!  please be over, I want to workout and be normal for a little bit before I get big!!!  Next week I'm going to paint the baby's room!! woot woot!  I'm so excited, I know it's early but I have a week off work and I want to get organized as best as I can!!  we'll see!

Happy DRUGS!!!

So last week, Dr. Carlson, my chiropractor gave me some drops and vitamin for my morning sickness.  They make a world of a difference!!!  I'm not 100%  I still feel just kind of yucky and tired all the time, but when I take my drops I don't throw up and if I take the pills I don't feel so yuck.....
3 more weeks and I'll be through the first trimester so I hope that I feel a lot better, I'd like to go back to the gym and be able to stay up later with my husband, watching movies and going out! Now if I'm not in bed by 9 I feel really sick.

I got my elliptical from my parents, so I want to set that up in our house so I can do something in this cold cold weather!!

The word is getting out....

Last night for Halloween we told Toni, Jeff, and Holly, if was fun to tell, it makes it more real.  It's still not really real yet, but the whole way home, Marcus and I keep saying how crazy it is that we're having a baby!!!  a REAL BABY is in my tummy.  I don't think either of us planned on this but we're both super excited!!  I always think what he'll look like and act like.  I pray he'll be healthy and happy!!
We got some candy for the Bruce's with a note that said " Grandma and Grandpa, Happy Halloween, this is not Trick and hopefully a TREAT! Love JonJon"  It took Toni a moment but then looked at me and said, "Are you Pregnant?"  I laughed and said yes!!!  We talked and talked about being sick and the excitement, we'll have a baby next summer!!!  Next Halloween we'll have to dress our little baby up!!!!
I really want to be the parents that have a baby and it only adds to our life, not something that stops our life.  I'm happy to leave our baby for the weekend so we can still go to California surfing, or SLC and stay in a hotel, or whatever we want.  I want to take a baby to all Marcus' bike races and not be a lame mom that won't take my baby anywhere and say we can't do anything.  Now money will be tight but I think if we're smart we can make it work, and do special things here and there. 
One big worry for me, is Marcus, I want him to do what he wants and be truly happy.  My dream is and always has been is to have a baby and be a mom, so for me that is coming true.  Marcus wants to bike and go to medical school, I never want anything to get in the way of his dreams and goals.  I'll do anything to make those happen!!!  I know Marcus will love the baby too, but I know in the back of his head he's thinking oh man, if we have a baby, will I be able to bike?  That's why I'm so so excited for his birthday present this year!!! only 23 more days!! 
We plan to tell the rest of our family over Thanksgiving!!  I'm excited!

Home, but not so sweet.

Marcus and I went to California for the weekend mainly to surf. It was so much fun!!  I didn't surf much, cause I wanted to be careful, but the hour I did was so much fun and I actually I'm getting a lot better each time! I felt pretty good most of the trip, I just had to eat every 2 or 3 hours little snack and I was okay. 
The Car ride home was a different story!  I was sick feeling the WHOLE  8 hours drive from Vegas on, I tried to sleep and I did but I got more sick every time I woke up, the last45 minutes from Brigham was so bad, I thought I wasn't going to make it.  I  made it home and throw up 4 times. yuck! 
Monday wasn't much better, I felt like I hadn't slept in a year, I was so tired and just felt gross. We went to the pumpkin walk which was fun, but I hit a wall and I just wanted to be in my bed!!  So I went to bed at 8 and slept til 7am, woke up like I slept 3 minutes.  Tuesday I felt a little better, but still tired and sick,  nothing feels good lately, before I could eat some cereal or cheese and I felt a lot better but not the past couple days, I'm just SICK.  Tuesday night I didn't want to cook so my mom made us dinner and we watched biggest loser, my favorite show!  we got in car to drive home and yep here it comes, again,  I pucked out the door but I didnt' get all the way out so on my seat and the door and even the floor,  I got out and Marcus just laughed at me, I mean really laughed out loud, RUDE!  haha  then he made me clean it up and I throw up 2 more times, then he took over the cleaning, while I throw up 4 more times..... Yuck!! This is not fun! 
Today I had my first dr. appointment, it's not really with the Doctor just the nurse so they asked health questions and all that, got my blood drawn and peed in a cup all the fun stuff. 
Then I went to the Chiropractor, he is soooo great! I love it!  He gave me some drops for the throwing up and some vitamins for the feeling sick all the time!!  I hope it helps!  I got some acupuncture, which always drains me for a day then I feel a lot better. 
So I'm hoping this is over or at least a lot less!!  I don't think I'm getting fat, but I do feel I have a little belly nothing big but I can tell.  I'm super excited, I am pretty stressed out about all the money and bills so I'm working on that today.  I just keep praying it'll work out!!  let's hope so!! 
off to make my favorite pumpkin roll and clean the house, what a fun day off!!! 

The day I've been dreading

So this morning was one of those Mornings, I didn't want to get out of bed, I mean I really really didn't but I felt like I had to because I meet my friend at the gym at 530am so I DRAGGED myself out of bed and I was so wanting to go back into my warm bed with my cute husband.  Usually after my gym clothes are on I give up and just go and enjoy it, but not today I still wanted to get back in bed!!  well I didn't and I should have, because one, my gym buddy didn't come..... WHAT?? I was so bummed I got up for nothing.  I still worked out so I guess it was for me, then I worked out felt real good, got to the car and sat down and thought oh man, I don't feel so good, oh wait..... yep... open the door and out it came, I throw up for the first time in my pregnancy.  I wanted to hurry home so I drove and as I stopped at the sign about 25 feet away, open the door again..... yep.... one more......  yuckers, then I thought oh no I'm not going to make it home. I wanted to cry.  I drove again this time about a 100 feet and open the door again....  SICK!!!  I feel bad for anyone who has to see that!!!  can you only Imagine driving and see one, two, and then three piles of throw up???  It makes me sick to even think about it now!!  Well I made it home and crawled into bed, can you believe this was my day off and I was up at 530 at the gym then throwing up when I could have been in bed sleeping!!!! 
All day I felt fine i was super busying and got to hold my sweet baby nephew Troy, which was probably the high light of my day!!  I took pictures which I always love but it was super dark super fast so not even sure if  I got any good ones.... bummer.  I might just have to re-do them after our California trip!!! 
We're off to California tomorrow, I'm in a hard spot cause I have sooo much to do still and it's already 815 but I want to go home and go to bed!! we need to do laundry and clean up do dishes and pack the car, we're leaving straight from work so who knows what we'll get done, if I wasn't pregnant I would stay up til 12 and get everything done but if I get too tried I get super sick and I'm sick for a day or two til I get back up on sleep!!!  so I'm not sure how but it'll all get done! wish me Luck!!!  I'm sooooo excited to go to Cali and be in the SUN!!! woot woot!

The Power of Smell

I HATE smells, the past two days I could tell all the patients who wear too much perfume or cologne it's just sick, it gives me the worst head ache.  I can smell food and it makes me so sick!  I hate my nose right now.  Smells turn me off to food, make me have a head ache and make me sick.... yuckers!!
On a happier note, I'm feeling pretty good the last couple days, well  not sick, just head aches from all the smells, but that's better then being sick.  I've gone back to the gym and it feels good, I feel tired and hungry, but super do-a-ble!!!  I made dinner last night and it wasn't that bad, I didn't get sick or even feel sick!!! happy days!!  I've been going to bed around 9 every night and that feels good, last night I didn't even know I feel asleep, I felt like I closed my eyes for a second and next thing I know it's 2 am and I have to go to the bathroom!!!  haha
I'm starting to get really excited about this baby and attached, I'll cry a lot if I lose it, i don't want to.  I want it to be a healthy happy baby!!!  I'm almost 2 months, which is crazy, we're going to California this weekend, then Holy is coming with their baby that we've never meet so we're super excited.  the it'll be November and then it'll almost be Thanksgiving!!! wow how time flys!!!  Then we'll tell our family!  crazy,  by then I'll go to the dr. and hear his heat beat, then I think it'll be more real!!!  wow I'm so excited!! I already love this baby!!!  I love Marcus he's so excited and that makes me so happy!!  Back to work, and all the bad smells!!!

Good days and bad

Yesterday was a hard day sick all day, then today I feel totally normal, I can't figure out way or how to help I just think that's how it goes.
We went out with some friends and one is is pregnant and I kept wanting to say I know I feel the same or how do you deal with this? But I can't I just. Have to act like nothing has changed, weird. I feel every day now people ask me when we're going to have kids, I just think we are now!!!!!!! Well I took my first picture today so I'll post it, I feel like I have a little tummy but I don't think it looks any different to everyone else!!!
I'm heading back to the gym tomorrow, I'm scared it'll make me more sick but hopefully just help!!
I think we'll start to tell our family over thanksgiving, I think that's far enough from Troy and I'll be over 3 months so should be a great time! It seems so far but not really just 6 more weeks that'll be 13 weeks, prefect time, I won't be able to hide too much longer after that. Well that's what's new!! Not too much I love reading the week by week of what our baby is doing and how he's growing!!

7 weeks

I LOVE SLEEP!

Last night I got in bed at 7:30 planning to watch a movie but by the time marcus got ready to watch a movie, I was out!!  I feel asleep at about 8 and sleep like a baby through the night, I slept so good  I thought I slept through my alarm!   I got up at 6am and felt great, not sick at all!!! It was a true blessing!!  I ate breakfast okay but by 10 I was feeling a little sick, almost like I'd faint, not because I was hungry but because I felt weak, or something.  I ate a peach and felt better again.  I'm starting to learn, I do best with LOTS of sleep and food!  not a lot of food but almost always eating, snacking all day, it's when I feel hungry or full I feel the sickest.  I think also getting off being sick was hard too my body was tired and over worked then I just asked it to make a baby and make extra blood and all that comes with a baby!  Too much for a sick body so I felt super sick for a couple days. 
I know it could get real bad again, but at least I got a little break!!  Eating still is hard for me, I feel hungry but then I feel sick if I eat too fast or too much. 
So I'm almost 6 weeks and I keep reading on line what is going on with baby at each week and it's so amazing and crazy everything that's happening in my little tummy!! 
Kind of weird and exciting, since I feel I have to snack all day, I've been keeping a close eye on my weight cause that is a huge concern of mine.  This morning I dropped weight and I'm back in the teens!!!  118!!  wow that made my day, I haven't been in the teens since before college, I always get stuck in the 20's.  This is horrible to admit but on my mission I got up to the 40's.... oh boy!! so I've lost over 20 lbs since my highest high!  my goal is to only gain 25 lbs,  That helps me too cause I know I have lose that weight, I've done it once I'll do it again!!  I think we'll tell our parents next week!  I want to go to the dr first but Marcus is so excited to tell!!  I am too, I just want to make sure everything is 100% normal!!  The bad cramping is gone just achy now so that makes me feel better!! 
Ok this is getting long but one last thing, I LOVE hearing Marcus pray for our baby it makes me so happy and think wow we're going to be parents!!! CRAZY!! 

SICK SICK SICK

I have never felt so sick, well I've been sicker but it's like I can't show I'm sick but I feel sick all day everyday!!  It's only been 3 days since my 5 week mark but since I hit the 5 week mark, I felt so sick.  I feel like I need to throw up, my head hurts,  I feel hungry, but nothing sounds good,  I hate to smell anything, and I just feel yucky.  I just keep thinking if this is what it's going to be like for the next 2 or 3 months, I might die!!  HELP ME!!  I ache and I'm tried, I just want to lay in bed for the next 8 months! 
I'm excited for a baby!!!  I went to hold Anna's baby Troy and I just keep thinking, this little guy probably played with  our little one, and I just see him saying hurry down so we can play!  I can't wait to have a baby, I know he'll be so cute and a huge blessing in our life.  I know it's early but I know it's right too!!! I love Marcus and can't wait to start our family together!! 

Happy Wed, my day off!!

I'm starting to see light at the end of the sickness tunnel, my voice is about half back and I can go about a hour without coughing my lungs out.  I've been cleaning my mom's house on Wednesdays to get money for Marcus Birthday/Christmas presents, I'm so excited about them, even more so now that we have a baby on the way! 
I keep telling myself the baby is good and growing, but I still don't believe it, maybe all first time mom's go through this, I've just read and heard of a lot of stories of miscarriage or something going wrong, I guess it's my self defence mode just not thinking it's real, but I already want to paint and get the room ready, I want to start making things, but I haven't let myself because I don't want it to turn out bad.  Maybe this is bad, but I know me, if I let myself believe all is well and  I get super super excited, then I'll just fall apart, if things didn't work out. 
Marcus keeps waiting to tell our family and I just keep thinking let's wait til our first Dr. appointment and we can hear the heart beat!!!  I can't wait for that day!!  3 more weeks!!  I'm 5 weeks tomorrow, so the heart is just starting to beat this week!!  wow how amazing is that!! 
Troy just sent me a picture text!! he's looking so good!! I need to get better so I can hold him and tell him my stories and how much I love him!!  Hopefully in the next day or so!!
My still trying to decide if I should go to the dr today or not, If I should just check and make sure, I still have cramps and aches but not so strong on that side, I think I'll wait to see if they come back or not, I've been ready a lot of line and sounds like cramping is pretty common for first time moms. 
Well I better get somethings done, I might start my first baby project today, we'll see!!!  Maybe I'll post pictures, I got some things this summer at garage sales for our future baby cause I knew that would be the cheapest way to go!!  I have a dresser, a shelf, and a rocking chair all of which I want to sand and paint!!!  I think Ill just do white for them all and so the bedding or decorations can be different colors!! 

CRAPPY CRAPPY DAY

Here's the story, I don't feel good, my throat hurts and I still can't talk. Monday night at 5 I went to the community health center, thinking I have these stomach cramps and they hurt, but I just wanted to make sure EVERYTHING was okay, I don't know maybe it was part fear of losing our baby, or maybe it really hurt.  I don't go to the dr. usally but I felt I really needed to, this place is cheap so I thought it won't hurt to know everything is okay!  well the Dr. didn't seem to think it was okay or even just cramps, he had me do a urine sample and YES I'm pregnant but he didn't get too excited about it.  He told me I needed to go to the ER to get an ultrasound, I just saw $$$$$  I said are you sure, could it just wait and see?  He said I could have a Pregnancy in my Tube which could kill me if untreated.  WHAT???  Then I thought is the pain that bad?  it's bad but I didn't feel like I coud die.  What to do? No Health Insurance I knew a  trip to the ER would be at least $1000.  OH MAN  I hate this, well Marcus told me I should go.  We went and got blood work and an other urine test, and an ultrasound,  here's the crazy part, they still don't know!!!  They found 2 cysts on my LEFT Overy which isn't the painful side, they thought they could see the baby is the uterous and not in my Tube but then thought maybe there's two babies, one is the right spot and one in my tube....
Okay so I don't feel good, I feel pain in my right side, but could it  just be cramping from a new baby?   could it be a pulled muscle?  Could it just go away? They want me to do more tests, and I don't know what to do, I feel stupid getting thousands of dollars in tests and drs to hear it's nothing...... or just cramps which can be normal for a first pregnancy.  I keep also thinking, I'm sick, my throat is in bad shape, maybe I just feel yucky and achey cause I'm sick.  Man I really wish i knew what to do???  I don't want to lose this baby, if I can help it.  I also don't want to be sick anymore!! 
I got a blessing from Marcus last night and  truly know Heavenly Father will help me know what to do.  I'm waiting to know!!  Crazy day! 

So happy, Monday

I've lost my voice!!!  For real, I can hardly talk!!  funny, I guess I'll just type!  Last night Marcus and I where in bed and Marcus said, you just seem happier.  I don't know I said,  I laid in bed thinking, am I happier? even though I'm nervous, I'm so happy, I've always been happy, but this just feels different, so this will sound crazy!! BUT  when I was birth control, I got so crazy and when I got off I felt a lot better but still not 100%  but now that I'm Pregnant I feel 110%.  It's like being pregnant completes me, and my crazy hormones are under control.  I hear with pregnancy that can change but at least for now I'm happy and feeling good!!!
I haven't felt any sickness or like throwing up, but I have felt super hungry then I eat and 5 bits later, I'm done!
I've been having a lot of cramps so that makes me kind of nervous but I'm also trying not to stress over it cause it says that makes it worse. 
I made my first Dr. appointment for Oct 26th, I want to go in and make sure everything is good, before I tell anyone so I think if everything is good we'll tell everyone on Halloween!  How fun!  I remember when Anna went in for her first appointment it's so weird that now it's my turn! I couldn't be more excited!
The Nurse said I should rest and drink a lot of water, so I'll try and do that so I don't have early on problems,  I really don't want to experience a miscarriage, I don't think I'd handle that well at all, I'm already in love with this baby, I know it can't hear yet but I talk to it, and ask him how he's doing!!  we talk about how lucky he is, cause his dad is amazing and he'll love him!  
What a  fun adventure we're about to begin!

Saturday/Sunday

Anna had her baby, okay so this was a CRAZY experience, I loved every second of it, but knowing I had a little baby of myself, I just keep thinking I'll be here in 8 months.... It was super exciting and I was a little nervous, if it was that hard for a 5 lb baby what will my 8 lb baby be like..... HELP ME!!!
I'm so excited though too because to see a real live baby and to see how sweet and beautiful he was I just wanted to cry!! It's amazing how fast I love him,  and I'm just the aunt. What will it be like when it's mine!!!  I also thought of Marcus and what he'll be like on that day.  I know he'll be super supportive and do anything for me, cause that's just who he is, but will he be like wow this is my baby?? I'm sure he'll be super excited.  (super excited if it's a boy!!)
I started to realize it'll be hard to keep this a secret, but I really want to go to the dr. before Everyone knows, cause 1- I just want to make sure, it's real. 2- I've had a lot of cramping and I want to make sure it's normal and everything is okay.
I just can't wait to see the baby again, I want to go up here, but don't want to bother them either, it's so hard cause if it was me, I'd be happy people wanted to see me and the baby!

Baby Troy Bryan Swan, 5 lbs 11 ozs 18.5 inches long born at 12:53 am on October 2!   I love him so much and can't wait for him to come home!! Thanks Anna for letting be apart of your Miracle!

Saturday morning... Oct 1st

Wow what a day, so this morning I woke up at 5 am and had to go to the bathroom, but I read that when taking a pregnancy test you should the first do it first thing in the morning.  I thought should I or should I just wait a few more days???  well I took it, and I saw one red line, meaning not pregnant, then I cleaned up and was going to go back to bed and I looked again and two lines...... WHAT??? serious? NO it couldn't be, so I laid in bed about 20 minutes and got up and took another one, read again EXACTLY what I needed to do, well I didn't need to go the bathroom but I needed to squeeze something out, I got enough to test and I did it and walked away and come back after the minute time was up, YEP  TWO LINES!!!!  I guess I'm really pregnant, it's everything I want but doesn't seem real!! It's like the mission call, I was so excited but didn't seem real!!!  Maybe when I get FAT it'll be more real!!

So next question, should I tell Marcus, when? how?  so I thought this is OUR baby so I need to tell him.  so I wrote a note on our white board. My plan was prefect, Marcus and I write notes to each other almost daily about how much we love each other, but this time I wrote, Marcus, I love you so much and you're the best husband and soon to be dad!!  He walked into the kitchen and that was the first thing he read when he walked in, he looked at me and was like SERIOUS?  like now?  you have a baby in there?  I just said yes for real!!  we hugged and kissed and then we danced in the living room!!  Marcus tried to hear the baby and clammed he did!!! haha he'll be the best dad!!!  he's so funny!!  

Today is general conference so we're watching conference, and Elder Anderson talked about starting a family and even told a story about a guy telling his wife they needed to wait to start their family til he was out of Medical school, (a thought marcus and I both talked about)  Elder Anderson said, "where is your faith?"  That is how I feel,  I have no idea how we'll pay for a baby, but I know the Lord will help us!  We have a idea of a way, but we'll just have to see.  I love Marcus and I know we'll be a happy happy family!! I know some may say we've only been married 6 months but I just feel this is RIGHT for US!!
I don't know when we'll tell people or our family but I think we'll wait a little bit at least! Anna went to the hospital today because she's having a lot of contractions, so we'll enjoy her special time, I don't want to take that away from her.  I'm soooooo excited for her!! She seem pretty nervous but I know she'll do great and the baby will be healthy!!!   Wow what a day!! I'm just sooo excited!

Friday...

okay I'm 3, yes THREE days late, I want to start now or not start at all the anticipation is too much!!  I keep thinking I was late last month too so don't get too excited. 
Last night I had a dream about Anna's baby and it was one day old and I just couldn't stop holding him, he was so cute, and even in my dream I thought I want my own baby!!!  Oh fun would it be to have two cousins only 8 months apart!! that was be fun, for them and also for us!  I'm so excited for Anna though, I can tell she is really nervous but she'll do great!  I have no doubt she'll be a great mom, she has what it takes!
So Last night I was feeling pretty sick, with a sore throat and just achy and I thought if this is what it's like to be pregnant I won't make it!!  I hope I have an easy pregnancy when I do get pregnant.  Marcus asked if I could be pregnant and I was like no. I really just don't want to get my hopes up too high, of course I wish I was and I hope if it's not this month, I hope it's soon!!  but I'll just have to wait and see. 
If I dont' start today, I'm taking a test in the MORNING!!!  I get so nervous to take a  test, not for it to say I'm pregnant but more for it to say I'm not.  We'll see how to day pans out!!  I'm praying this is the time!!  I'm also praying if I'm not that I'll be patient, I'll just use Anna's baby as my play baby!! haha
Tonight we're off to Marcus mission reunion so that'll be fun.  Then for a great Conference week-end my favorite!!! 

My new Journal

So  I have wanted to write down some of my feelings, for a few reasons, I want to keep track of this stage in my life, and I feel like I'm keeping a secert that I need to let out, as of right now this is only for me, but maybe someday I'll make it open for my friends.
So I guess I'll start from the beginning, Since I went on Birth control, I hated it!  I mean, it was hard enough to be married and have to learn how to be a good wife and best friend! I love Marcus so much, but it was different to come home from work and have to cook and take care of someone else too, it was a new feeling to worry about someone so much and hope they are happy.  The birth control made me feel like a failure all the time,  I felt heavy and depressed from it, I really didn't like it.
Marcus and I had many talks,  I changed BC a few times and still the same thing.  Finally I had a break down and I didn't ask Marcus but I said, "I'm done with birth control!"  Marcus said ok.... He knew I had made up my mind, so he supported me, for a couple months we used protection, but after a few months, I just keep thinking, I'm 26 and I really want a baby, why am I stopping it??  I kept thinking of other people, oh people will think we're crazy to have a baby right away, or I thought, we can't afford it...  Then I kept thinking back to my mission and making that decision, same thing, I thought what others would think.   Then I thought that is so worldly, I KNOW Heavenly Father, is excited to give us a family, in my Blessing it talks a lot about my kids and family and that is my purpose to bring kids into this world. 
That night I talked to Marcus,  I  LOVE Marcus!!  He always says yes to whatever I say, but I could tell he wasn't as ready as me,  we talked more and how I'd be pregnant for at least 9 months so it wasn't like we'd decide then tomorrow have a baby.  We both felt good about it and looked at the calender and thought, summer of 2012 would be prefect cause Marcus could work and he wouldn't have class to worry about or finals.  Then we worked back and realized, we need to get pregnant, like now to have a baby next summer!!
well last month nothing, then this month Marcus has been sick, so I'm thinking nothing again.....
So I was supposed to Start yesterday but nothing, and today I feel lots of cramps and pressure like I should start, but I keep thinking man I really wish I wouldn't start.  A girl aways hates her period but I think when she wants to be pregnant it's so much worse!!!
I keep getting that hope, WHAT IF???  MAYBE???  then I think okay when would I be due and how would I tell Marcus! Girls are funny well at least I am, I don't even think I'm pregnant, but I hope so so much that I make myself believe I am.  Then I get super disappointed when it isn't.
I really know Heavenly Father has a plan so I don't know why I ever make my own, because it's never the same!!!  I thought I'd like to have a baby is June or July so I could train for a triathlon in August, I know it'd be hard but I wanted to do one next summer, and I can't imagine a 8 month pregnant lady doing it. oh well, I'm putting all my trust in Heavenly Father right now.  I just pray well be able to have a baby and he or she'll be healthy!  I  pray I'll be a good mom, and we'll figure out a way I can be a mom and still have money to pay our bills.  I hope Marcus will truly be excited when I tell him I am pregnant, it won't be super hard on him and he'll still get great grades.
So if I don't Start by Saturday I'm taking a test..... Last month I was 2 days late too so maybe off birth control I'm a 30 day cycle and not 28 like I used to be.  who knows, we'll see.  I'm just going to stay positive and enjoy this journey!
This will be my secert Journal of the start of our family!!