Being Balanced

Yesterday in RS we had this great lesson on Pride and the opposite on being too discouraged.  I feel like this is my life most the time.  so here we go...
In high school  I always struggled with self worth and figuring out who I was, who I wanted to be didn't seem to fit in with most my friends.  I never felt I had a great friend in high school I had friends, but it was high school and I always seemed to be stuck in drama that I didn't want to be in.  Mainly because I didn't know who I was and I was trying to be someone I wasn't!
I went out to Philadelphia right after high school and meant some great people and I remember my FIRST Sunday walking into the student ward thinking wow this is UTAH anymore.  I remember sitting in church sitting by someone I had never meet before and I thought this is my chance, no one knows me and I can be anyone I want to be!  Not waiting to live a lie anymore.  I  felt a great freedom!  I decided then and there I didn't want to be shy and to myself I didn't want to go along with what people told me to do but what I wanted to do and who I wanted to be.  I formed great friendships in PA and loved my time there, I was good at nanny-ing and I loved it. I loved the boys and even though there where hard days I had fun playing games and loving those kids.   I had confidence and I really straightened my testimony because at times that's all I had, I didn't have family there to lean on but always on my Heavenly Father.
Before I left on my mission I had this thought I'll be the greatest missionaries and this and that, I got there and wasn't I had hard times and trails.  All things I needed, to be better a better missionary a better person.  At the time I felt I was a failure because I wasn't the BEST, but I know I was a good missionary and did what I was there to do.  I had a great mission president who taught me so many things and helped me see that by just being there and loving the people I was doing enough and I was good enough.
When I got home I wanted to be the BEST wife and I thought that meant always having and clean home, dishes done, laundry done, dinner on the table, and do it all with a smile after working all day and providing for our family.  Well that lasted about a month.....  MAYBE!!  I felt like a failure again because I set this bar for myself that I couldn't reach, I started to compare myself to those around me and felt even worse because on the outside looking in  I think we only see that best of everyone when we think we can't do anything right.  I think on my mom always had everything under control and to me it seemed she never had a off day or a bad day.  I see girls in my ward and I think they are beautiful and talented.  I want to be like them.  I think we all look at our trails and think they are too hard I'd rather have there life.
I saw this blog of a LDS mom and she talked about what is truly important, and I just thought about it.  I have thought a lot the past two days,  I'll NEVER be perfect in this life.  I just won't. so WHAT'S TRULY important?  does it matter if my house is 100% clean all the time, or a beautiful meal is always on the table?
With this baby coming in just 3 months, I decided I need to find BALANCE!!  I have dreamed and dreamed about being the worlds best MOM, but what does that really mean?  I have already set all these goals and standards for myself but not really all possible.  I can already see that I'm setting my standard too high and when I don't meet them I know I'll feel like a failure again.  I have been thinking what makes a great mom and what I need to do and what's not that important.
I want to focus more on being grateful for the blessing and talents the Lord has blessed me with and not get discourage on my weaknesses.   Yes there are girls and mom's that are better at somethings then me and yes, Heavenly Father has blessed me with talents and skills, so I want to do my best and always strive to be a better person, wife, and mother everyday but don't get discouraged when I fell short.
I talked with my sweet sweet sister in Law yesterday about being a mom and she had some great things to say that helped me remember what's really important!!!
THE MOST IMPORTANT number one number things for me right now I think is to have a strong testimony of my Heavenly Father and Jesus Christ.  I want to always be close to my heavenly father I want my kids to know I have a testimony and I want my kids to have a strong testimony also.  That is what is most important.  I may not be a prefect mom but truly I think if my kids always know I have a testimony and know that is important to me, that is more important then cooking and cleaning.